A little more insight on me...

The other day, I received an e-mail from an acquaitance of mine (we actually used to be quite good friends at one time) lambasting me for essentially being inconsistent in my blog. She writes...

"It seems as if you weild [sic] your political sword in pursuit of liberal righteousness in some of your posts, while others completely lack any merit as far as introspect and creative dialogue are concerned..."

Well, since I know this "friend" is going to read this post, let me clarify something for you, and all of my other friends who read this.

1. I do not like being labled a liberal. While many of my political stances do tend to be more aligned with the Democratic Party, I consider myself to be an ardent independent and strive to be a centrist...and believe it or not, I may agree with a few Libertarian priciples as well. I respect both major parties for certain reasons, and I absolutely hate them for many others. Extreme right-wing Republicans are equitable to left-wing Democratic flagrants in that they are both too extreme for my taste. I support the working class, as my father - who is a material handler - has worked his entire life to support his family. He also gives tirelessly of his time to voluntary causes, and has probably taught me more about service than anyone I know. Don't ask me about abortion unless you've known someone who has gone through the ordeal -- because a close friend of mine did. Don't ask me about gay rights until you have a homosexual relative or close friend and you see the difficulties they go through on a daily basis -- I have friends and family members who are, and I lost a friend to suicide (or murder since the case is not solved) right before Christmas a couple years ago. On the initial thought, I will tell you that my moral standards lead me to believe that abortion is wrong, and I do not support the practice of homosexuality - but I do value my relationships with dear friends and relatives, and will love them no matter what. Enough of that - it's turning into a tirade.

2. This is MY blog. It is my domain to put what I want on here. If you don't like it, don't read it. Sometimes I have more to say on certain days than others. Sometimes I'm quirky and weird and my writing is quite juvenile and bear in mind that my tagline specifically mentions my randomness.

"...your ego is obviously taking hits. You initiate battles that you often lose such as the Punk Voter Tour, your stint with GPSA, and you make attempts to cover up these performances with a facade, that being depression."

3. Ego is inevitable in every human. It's a matter of how much and how they use it. This person generalizes many interactions we've had. Am I brash and passionate in my arguments sometimes? Absolutely, but that does not necessarily equate ego. At one time I had a fiery passion to serve students, and because of people like this, that fire is nearly extinguished.

4. I did not organize the Punk Voter Tour. Our concert director did, and he happened to get involved in a motorcycle accident two weeks before, which left me to defend my branch of student government before a host of student organizations. People chastized us for being partisan in this effort because of its "Rock Against Bush" element, and one student senator even had the audacity to ask why we didn't approach the College Republicans and help with their Sean Hannity event. BECAUSE HE AND ANN COULTER BOTH PREVIOUSLY CAME TO ASU AND HARDLY ANYONE SHOWED UP. That's why. We polled students all across campus, and the response to the Punk Voter Tour was tremendous, so that's what we spent our money on. We had a hard enough time fighting over funds with USG and GPSA who consistanly tried to monger more money out of us, and they cheated us when additional funds were given to ASASU and didn't give any to PAB. PAB is the programming component, and during the time of my tenure there, our concern was getting butts in the seats. Period. If there was a more ardent desire (and even an ounce of effort on the part of the CR's - who ironically NEVER approached us) to see Sean Hannity, I guarantee we would have financed yet another heavily partisan activity.

5. As far as GPSA is concerned, I don't have very much respect for the people I worked with at the time, except for the then VP of External Affairs, Matt, VP of Internal Affairs, Destiny, and the Comm. Director, Jason. Others were grudge-holding, underappreciated Ph.D students who lived on double standards - and at one time I considered them friends. I felt pressured into taking the job, and shortly realized thereafter that I was going to be used as a puppet to achieve something for someone else's agenda. Unless I'm 100% behind it, I'm not going do it it. Not to mention that I was in the early stages of depression (oh, just you wait, more on that in a minute) and I was trying to plan a wedding. I feel that my so-called superiors were unsympathetic to that. I watched others get forced out of the organization before me. It was an oligarchy for all I'm concerned. I applied for the Student Regent position not only once, but twice - and both times was thwarted because of the grudge a certain "officer" and director held against me - I can still remember thier smug looks - and in my opinion, I don't like to think of women as smug...but not only were they that, they were complete bi...nevermind. May I leave a disclaimer that this doesn't have any bearing on the current president of the organization - I have absolutely nothing against her, but she is quite close with many of the nameless people I've just described.

6. Finally, I ask, how dare you condescend and mock my ordeal with depression? How can you - in good faith - question my mental health? When you first met me, I was a fireball, a go-getter...something I am slowly regaining...someone who was an excellent writer, public speaker, and may I add friend. I was a workaholic and I performed to the "t" on everything I did. Unfortunately, I may have taken on too much in my youthful zeal, and that paired with personal problems with family and other trials, I slowly succumbed to depression. I didn't even recognize it at first - actually, I didn't even want to admit it for years. It's real, and it's affected me far more that I ever would have imagined, but I know I'm on the right track. I'm losing weight, I'm getting excellent grades in my graduate program, I'm up for awards and national fellowships, and I'm starting to feel like the John of old again. I wish you could have seen through my eyes and walked in my shoes with me. Then you might not have decided to cast your stone at me.

Friends, I don't do this often. I am a live and let live type of guy more often than not. But nobody should ever let their character be assailed. There's room for lots of fruitful dialogue (a term I overuse), debate and banter without creating hurtful feelings. We should all stand our ground when it's necessary. We may not always agree, but there is a kinship of a higher authority that bonds us together, where we should at the very least respect those we interact with on a daily basis.

With that, I bid you all a good day, and send you my love and gratitude for what you've contributed to my life. Even the person I just lashed out at...we may not be friends anymore, but I won't deny that I was supposed to meet you for a reason.

Be well.