Schwartzwalder Kirschtorte

I don't know if I spelled that right, but if I got it wrong, my apologies (especially to the Germans).

You know, lately I've been really down on myself. I don't get why. I've just had a feeling of "I'm not good enough" in just about everything I do. Maybe I just look good on paper? I don't know...maybe I would have had more meaning as a living organism if I were a tree, turned into pulp, turned into paper, and then...where am I going with this? I'm almost asking to BE a resume. Geez.

Anyway, I'm still kind of a ball of nerves because I'm supposed to hear if I made the Presidential Management Finalist cut anyday now. Also, I've applied to two jobs at SRP (interviewed for one of them today), and I just hate the uncertainty that looms over me all the time. Why can't I just accept it?

And, I think I failed to mention that I AM a finalist for the New York Public Managment Internship.

See, I make it far, and things go well, and then they just crash in on me. Can I really make one of these opportunities work?

***

I was thinking the other day about a fond memory of mine. While I am LDS and all, I haven't ever snubbed my friends who don't follow the same...er...standards, I guess you could say. When I was VP of the PAB at ASU, we all went out to Sushi 101 for karaoke night, and I learned about Saki Bombs. I didn't have any...I'm pretty sure I didn't have any, but I enjoyed watching everyone else slam the table to make a shot of Saki fall into a glass of Japanese beer. Apparently that combo makes the drink fizz out of control, and people have to chug it to avoid a spill.

Anyway...once everyone got nice and liquored up (I'm really good at acting drunk...I used to be a drama geek) we all went over to pick our songs for karaoke. My friend Jimmie belted out the best Journey cover I've ever heard. I picked "Angel in a Cenerfold" by J. Geils Band -- I don't think I ever knew all the words to that song, which may have provided for an awful performance, but everyone in there was cheering for me, all having a great time. And not the type of folk I typically hang out with...the place was filled with fraternities, sororities, and most likely half of the ASU football team. It was a blast, and I hadn't felt that energized in a long time.

What will it take to feel that way again?

As a final note, it came to me tonight that I really like tomato soup. I mean, really like it.